Because Hope Keeps Us Going

Today is hard to rollover from bed

Glued to my sheet

Weighted by a blanket of paralysis

Fear. Uncertainty. Unfinished love.

Grappling me tight with all the guilt and might 

Taking hostage of my emotional baggage

Eyes shut by choice

Darkness prolongs way longer than the moon has set

Naively pretending to welcome the rise of the sun

Maybe never quite will be in this particular day

Leave me alone as I scream silently in my head

To all my imaginary friends and ideas and leftover ounces of possibilities 

And dark spiraling thoughts

Which seem to be my dearest enemy, and friend simultaneously on the pillow at this point

The blame game takes over soon

With confusing rules I created myself

Egotistic towards my own imagined fairytale that’s far from reality

Slipping from my grasp, while on my watch

Desperately pulling every strings I could find

But to no purpose

Snapping as soon as there is uncomfortable tension

Leaving me with a hole I can’t quite fill or replace or put a bandaid at this point

The tunnel keeps on being dug every time I turn

Channeling light into grey

Blindfolding with false hope and empty promises

Words are cheap one friend said

And now I do see

That not all things are meant to be

And south goes way beyond what I’m comfortable to admit

But I keep clinging to one thing

Cruising over some dark gorge and valleys of dead dandelions

Out from scary caverns on my back and climbing rocky meadows up ahead

Though one don’t see on the surface

Doesn’t mean the inside doesn’t hurl

It’s a good thing hope hasn’t left me yet

Lending me a thread to hold on to

And a narrative worth dreaming

Living to convert into reality

Someday..

I do believe in what’s possible

That anything could happen as Ellie once said

Because hope keeps us going