Embracing Quarter-life Crisis
For so many years, I have heard the term “quarter-life crisis”, but I could never understand what it means… until I hit 25 this year.
It’s hard to explain for those who haven’t gone through it yet, but it just hit me that I am now no longer in my early 20s, where I used to be more carefree in my college days, not worrying too much about money & bills, easily made friends, only focusing on my academic study, and having fun.
I have real responsibilities now—full-time job, bills to pay, family to call, insurance to enroll, doctors appointments to make, apartment to take care of, coworkers to build professional relationship with, being independent, and life just seems a bit more… mundane.
What am I looking forward to after work? What are my goals, other than career & romantic relationship? Where are my friends? What can make my life more fun & exciting?
These questions slowly creep in as I hit 25… single, working 9–5 job, watching Netflix after work, going to the gym to stay in shape, and just “chilling on the weekend” as my answer when my coworkers ask me every Monday.
So how do I do embrace my quarter-life crisis?
1. I took ACTIONS on things I had always wanted to do
For as long as I could remember, I have always wanted to seriously write creatively — poetry, self-reflection, fiction, non-fiction, personal experiences, etc. But I never quite committed myself to spend the time & effort, and to just DO it.
This time it’s different. I push myself to dedicate some time & effort into writing on a regular basis, and I publish them professionally in Medium.
I think this mentality of “taking actions on things you have always wanted to do” has really helped me to keep my weeks fresh & exciting. It feels like I have a side gig to channel my thoughts & frustration creatively, which couldn’t be spoken & heard otherwise. I feel satisfied because I now have a “hobby” or an “interest”, instead of just “watching Netflix”.
2. I pursue some hidden talents that not many people knew about
Those talents are singing & cooking for me.
I’ve always enjoyed singing since I was little. I’ve done several choirs & Glee-type clubs, even recording my own singing voice in an amateur recording studio I set up myself back in college, eventually releasing them in my YouTube channel.
But I had never studied the correct techniques to improve my vocal. I know I can sing above-average than most people already, but definitely not the best. I decided to invest some of my earnings into a vocal lesson, with trained singer and a real recording studio this year.
I love cooking. It can be very challenging at times, since it requires some preparation, time, and effort.. especially when I’m exhausted & starving at the end of the day from work. But I do enjoy cooking a lot when I’m not too busy, especially on slower evenings and weekends.
After many years in academic, I thought that I was so completely done with ‘learning’. I actually started to realize that ‘learning’ is a basic human nature/desire that keeps me yearning to always be better, which is such an amazing concept.
So I decided to start my own Instagram cooking page (www.instagram.com/iyos_kitchen), to try new recipes, be inspired by Masterchef reality show, make difficult dish from scratch, mix various ingredients I don’t normally use, buy some high-quality cook books, and let myself be immersed in the food culture a bit more.
By pursuing both singing & cooking a little bit more seriously, I feel like I just keep learning about something. It feels like I’m still improving myself to be better at something. After so many years of studying in academic, I originally thought that I was so completely done with ‘learning’ & ‘studying’. I actually started to realize that ‘learning’ is a basic human nature/desire that keeps me yearning to always be better, which is such an amazing concept.
3. I put extra effort to connect with people & build relationships
It is so incredibly hard to meet genuine people & make friends these days, especially when we’re out in the professional world and an introvert by nature.
It is so rare to find people who genuinely want to build genuine relationships, and willing to invest their time & energy to grow and nurture those friendships. Most of the times, it’s just empty promises — yeah, would love to do this and do that, to hangout, to have fun together… but never actually come to fruition, or simply no follow-up communications. This is so frustrating for me, and it makes me wonder if I’m just too naive & too genuine/kind to other people? Should I throw my ego a bit, open myself up, and be more persistent?
I am NOT the kind of person who can easily be persuaded to just follow how society & my peer function around me. If I believe in something & know I’m right, I will persevere and make it happen my way.
I let myself be seen, be heard, be challenged, and most importantly, be vulnerable.
I put extra effort to build & nurture relationships. I started to become a lot more involved in church, which has helped me to find a community where we can tell each other life stories & support each other through difficult times. This has also improved my spiritual life tremendously, which I will save for future story. I went out to hangout with people, even when I’m exhausted and don’t feel like going out. I open myself up & I ask people to come spend some time together (e.g. potluck dinner at my place, game nights, hiking together, etc.). I try asking my coworkers to hangout outside of work, which has been extremely challenging, and I’m still trying to figure this one out..
I let myself be seen, be heard, be challenged, and most importantly, be vulnerable.
4. I try to not be too ambitious with my career, and going more with the flow
Coming from a traditional Asian household, ‘success’ and ‘career’ have undoubtedly always been the #1 topic in our conversations.
I’ve always been asked to think deeply, plan ahead, and prepare for the worst in regards to my career. I’ve always been asked if what I’m doing is right for my future, if it will give me big paycheck, if my career trajectory is fast enough, if it’s better than my peers, if my position is prestigious enough, if there is a definite/promising career ladder in the future… if this, if that… questions that are valid, but have been adding so much unnecessary stress in my head, which to be honest, I don’t have the definite answers to most of the time.
…no need to chase them like a dog chasing a squirrel… because I’ll eventually wear out first, failed attempt to capture my squirrel, which is unreachable above the trees.
Being carefree & to not sweat the small stuff seems a bit foreign to me. I wasn’t raised that way, and it’s just not really in my DNA.
But man… once I managed to shift my perspective just a little bit, I felt so much lighter. And after a while, I have started to feel, know, and believe that everything will be alright. That universe will conspire to help me achieve it eventually, it’s just a matter of time.
I like to think that life is long, that I don’t have to achieve something big & be on the summit tomorrow. There is a process & time… and I want to focus on that instead, to make sure I am happy & satisfied along the journey and the struggle to that “summit”, whatever that means to you metaphorically.
This perspective has helped me to calm down, be present, observe & absorb the life that is happening around me today, and to not always be on edge thinking “what’s next”. I try to have faith, and believe that everything will work out as they are supposed to be when the time is right, so no need to chase them like a dog chasing a squirrel... because I’ll eventually wear out first, failed attempt to capture my squirrel, which is unreachable above the trees.
I like to think that life is long, that I don’t have to achieve something big & be on the summit tomorrow.
5. I challenged myself to do something I’ve never done before
I was never an athletic person since I was little, but the beginning of this year, I committed myself to run a 13.1mi half-marathon. I had never really run regularly before, let alone training for a race.
(check out my article below, where I share my 7-month training journey, eventually leading to race day on July 28, 2019, and what was going through my mind & body during the whole process)
Should I do a Half Marathon? An Amateur Runner’s Journey
I challenged & pushed myself out of my comfort zone — to do a thing that has always scared me, and which I thought was impossible for me to achieve. I was amazingly proud of myself & I felt so good during the whole 7-month training period. I set goals, I motivated myself, and I felt it was such a meditative process. When I finally crossed that finish line on race day, I felt like I could just conquer anything I set my mind into.
Part of my quarter-life crisis was that I had always had an urge to do something big… to achieve something out of the ordinary. Doesn’t mean it has to be extraordinary, but just out of the ordinary. Something that could make me happy & proud of myself.
I think this is why people in their mid 20s these days are so obsessed with the idea of “traveling the world” — because we want to get out of our comfort zone, and experience things we have never experienced before. To me, it doesn’t have to be traveling the world (due to financial reasons). By simply committing myself into doing something out of the ordinary (like a half marathon), is enough for me to be able to pat myself proudly on the back — to give myself the satisfaction & assurance that I did do something bigger than my previous self.
“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”― Marie Curie
