I Miss You, Oma

I could still remember that day clearly. It was 10 years ago, on May 16th 2009.

It was just a normal Saturday morning, I was watching TV downstairs, and everybody was just about to start their day, except, my grandma (I call her Oma). She was staying in my house for a while after going to Singapore the day before, for a regular medical check-up. The clock hit 10am, yet she hasn’t woken up, which is very weird because she’s always the first one to wake up in the morning. He tried to open the Oma’s bedroom door, but it’s locked. He tried to call her, and we could hear the phone ringing inside her bedroom, but no one picked it up. He used his spare key, and there she was, sleeping peacefully on her bed, but she had left us.

It felt like the time stopped ticking for a moment. I couldn’t believe of what I saw and I couldn’t grasp of what was happening at that time. I was just petrified, standing on the side of the bed looking at her, and my dad who was crying and calling her name again and again. My whole life, I almost had never seen my dad cried, until that day. And to see him crying and frantically calling Oma, it broke my heart. Soon, my mom and sister came, and my mom also bursted into tears. They immediately called my aunt (my dad’s sister) to come to my house. About an hour later, she came with her family. It was one of the most horrid views I have ever seen. All the cries, the agonies, the hope that we knew could never be revived, the disbelief in our mind that Oma would never be with us again, and all the memories we had made together, were striking all at once. It was overwhelming. So overwhelming to me, that I couldn’t even shed a tear.

…sleeping peacefully on her bed, but she had left us.

That day was my cousin Jan’s birthday, and every year, we always got together to have dinner and celebrate it. There was no celebration on May 16th, 2009.

We took Oma to a funeral house, and told relatives that she had passed away. It didn’t take long for people to start coming in to see her. It wasn’t a pleasant experience. A lot of tears, a lot of sorrow. Every night, my dad and my aunt took turns to sleep at the funeral house. I could see from their eyes that they could not sleep and their eyes were swollen (especially my aunt) because of crying.

It was overwhelming. So overwhelming to me, that I couldn’t even shed a tear.

She was like a second mom to me.

I could still recall my journey back home from the funeral house on the night of May 16th, 2009.

I was sitting in my car, looking out from the car window, and I started recalling all the memories that I had made with Oma. I thanked God for giving me the fiercest, boldest, and wisest Oma that I could ever asked. She was in my life for 15 years, and she had shaped me to be the person who I am today. I was crying. Crying because of sadness, but also full of gratitude.

I had never met anyone like her and I don’t think I will. She brought my family and my aunt’s family together. She’s the one who made me and my cousins so close to each other until this day. She was in my every birthday party. She always stayed in my house whenever I was having a birthday, and she did the same for my cousins, my aunt, and my dad. I used to cry when she left my house and went to stay at my cousin’s house, because she was so wonderful, caring, and lovable. She brought joy to me every time she stayed in my house. She was like a second mom to me.

I remember when I was a kid, she used to brought me and my 2 cousins, to go fishing. It was just the 4 of us. We would go all day fishing and hanging out together. She always had spine problems, and she could not sit/stand for a long time, but she put that aside for me and my cousins. I’m sure her hands were aching from grabbing the shrimp-paste bait and put it onto each of our fishing hooks because she had dermatitis on her fingers. Not to mention the hottest sun in summer in a tropical place like Indonesia, scorching right above our heads. She bear through all of it, to give us memories that we could never forget.

she always woke up so early in the morning, like at 5 or 6am, to do tai-chi, and then made us breakfast.

I remember the time when we would all went for swimming lesson at my cousin’s apartment. She patiently waited for us, accompanied us while we were napping before swimming, helped us took a shower afterwards, prepared dinner for us, and getting us back home. I remember her face when she was angry, especially to my cousins because they took 2 hours just to eat! Or when she was angry at my younger cousin because he was so naughty and didn’t want to have a nap. We didn’t understand back then that she did all of those to us, because she just wanted us to be a better person. But now, now that we were old enough, we understand that. And we thank God for what she had done for us.

I also remember the time whenever I stayed at my cousin’s house during weekends. It was always a BLAST for me. Thinking back now, who made it possible and who took care of us while we were there? Oma. I always slept at her bedroom, and she always woke up so early in the morning, like at 5 or 6am, to do tai-chi, and then made us breakfast.

I remember whenever she brought me the most delicious bihun goreng / fried rice noodle, and puyunghai. I love those food.

Oma never thought about herself, and always thought about others. She LOVED her children (my dad and my aunt). She was always there whenever they needed help. She never complained. She visited her siblings every so often to just hang out and talked about life (she had 7 or 8 siblings if I remember it correctly). She helped them whenever they needed help. She lent money. She cooked amazing dishes. She was so humble, and she was very proud of herself and her children.

She was a TOUGH lady. She was a fighter her whole life.

Her husband (my dad‘s dad) passed away in 1986. She was 51 years old at the time (she was born in 1936). Since then, she was a single mom. She took care of her children by herself. There were times when they barely had enough money to eat. There was a time when they didn’t have a house. She worked really really hard as a clothes seller in an old traditional market. There were days when she didn’t even sell a single shirt, but she kept going. She had to walk back to her house every day, carrying all the clothes with her hands. They had no car. She wanted her children to go to college whatever happened. All those hard work, all the prayers they had done, were paid off. It was really one miracle, like my dad said, for him and his sister (my aunt) to both went to college and got their Bachelors degree. Look at them now. They both turned to be a successful person. And again, who made this possible? Oma…

I remember our trip to New Zealand when I was 6. I remember when we were riding the speeding river boat in Queenstown, and she constantly screamed to the driver saying edan, which means “insane”. Or when we were climbing a glacier. She was 64 years old at the time! But she was one hell of a woman! I remember when she lost her earring after going on a trip to a glowworm cave in Te A Nau, and we searching everywhere without any result. Sometimes, I am still wondering where is that earring now. Our trips to Yogyakarta, Surabaya, and Semarang was amazing. I remember one time after we walked so far, Oma and I bought a can of coke and drank it together using straws. Our short spontaneous trips were precious to me — fishing, swimming lessons, safaris, going to the mall, to Gramedia bookstore (me and cousins sat there for hours reading comic books), and other hundreds trips that I couldn’t state one by one.

Our last trip to Thailand, 2 months before she passed away, was unforgettable. It was me, my family, Oma, and my 2 cousins. All the places we went to, the memories we made, the pictures and videos we have taken, the food we ate, her expression…I could never forget them. She was not as strong as before. She couldn’t walk too much. One time, we got lost walking, and she was so tired that she said she could hardly breathe. I guess it was her time.

God wanted her back to his lap.

She was a TOUGH lady. She was a fighter her whole life.

On the day the coffin was closed and sealed (about 2 days after she passed away), tons of people gathered around. I gave her one last kiss to say goodbye. The next day, she was cremated and we took a boat to the ocean to release her ashes. It was the same spot where her husband’s ashes were put to rest. The cremation was the hardest part. Seeing the coffin entered the “burning chamber” just left me speechless.

But, that’s life…

We never know what is going to happen tomorrow. All we can do, is cherish what we have today, celebrate every moment we have, and love each person we know before they’re gone forever. I am truly thankful to God for giving me the chance to spend the first 15 years of my life with Oma. Without Oma, things wouldn’t be as good as it is right now. Without Oma, I wouldn’t be the same person I am today. So I felt very grateful, to have a grandmother like Oma.

I love you Oma.

We’ll see each other again one day.